Grandparents, parents, children, and grand-children, aunts, uncles, cousins–what a wonderful gift family can be. But even loving family get togethers can be stressful. Negative feelings (including resentment, anger, low-self esteem, and more) can be triggered when we get together with the people closest to us–for many reasons. But if you are determined to make it work, a couple of tips might help you cope.
Be a Magician
If a conversation is headed towards meltdown, redirect! Change the subject. If your brother is picking on your sister, jump in and tell the story of the time your siblings won a talent contest, did something cute or funny, got lost at a shopping mall. If someone is criticizing you, laugh and remind them of a related story from the past, preferably a funny one. Use what I call, “sleight of mouth.” Distract them, pleasantly. Before you go, write down three or four funny events from your past, times when you and your family enjoyed each other’s company, or were exceptionally supportive or loving with each other. Then, use them at appropriate moments.
Talk to Your Self
Before you get together, rehearse what you think will happen. Play yourself, and also play the part of your (contentious, annoying, overbearing) relatives, as you create an imaginary conversation. As you rehearse, review your comebacks and comments. Are they biting, attacking or defensive? It is far easier to assess them objectively in an imaginary setting rather than in the heat of a confrontation. If your side of the conversation isn’t going to produce positive feelings all around, go ahead and “rewrite” your lines. When you and your family actually get together, try using your “script”. It really works!
Note: If you’re taking flying or taking other public transporation to your get-together, it’s probably best not to practice talking to your self on the way.
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